Thursday, January 31, 2013

Update... 2 years later

It's been two years.  Life is good... well, that's the obligatory response.  It's all relative--I guess it's good considering that life will get better after I finish residency and move on with my life.  But actually, life is okay.

At this point, I'm sort of paralyzed by a lack of motivation.  It's frustrating because I know that I'm not rising to the occasion--Half of me doesn't care, and the other half is anxious about it and disappointed with myself.  I have stuff to do when I get home, but I end up doing everything *except* the thing that I need to do.  Yup, here I am blogging late at night instead of getting stuff done.

I just want to move on to a job, and feeling like a person again.  Having time to read books, and read all of the guidelines that I would love to have time for.

I feel like I'm just going to screech by at the end.  Okay, pep talk--don't be so negative.  I can do it--I have a break coming up.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  With all that you have to do, there has to be some give in the system somewhere.

I don't know if writing is good for me.  I feel like it brings out the wistfulness in me.  I start thinking and analyzing things more, and feeling sort of sad.  I sort of feel like writing makes me dwell on the bad, and that acknowledging and talking about the negative makes me feel bad.  Oh well.  At the same time, I don't want to fake-ily emphasize the positive--I do enough of that in life.  This is my chance to be real... and dark, without having to justify myself.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

A fresh start...

So, for the past five years, I've written on this blog. I've ranted, waxed and waned on many a topic. I often used this blog as a place to vent and express, and a common mantra that I had was to "move on" and to "not live in the past".

I came here tonight and wrote another one of my posts, but then it struck me, going back through my old posts, that I really didn't need all of that stuff hanging out here. Flipping through the posts was like flipping back through time and going back through issues and events that are gone (and that I don't really want to be reminded of).

So, here's the now:
- I'm moving in with my gorgeous girlfriend next month. She's wonderful and fabulous and I feel lucky to have found my match in her.
- I'm finishing up pharmacy school.
- My family is visiting soon.